You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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