New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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