i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
