I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
