my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
