He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
