I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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