Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
