He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
