I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Randomize
