Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
