You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
