it hurts more in the daytime
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
