yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
