cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
