He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
