My balls are so social today.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
