I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
