Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
