If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
