Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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