dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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