she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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