The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
