I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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