so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
