I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
