it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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