Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
