i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
