is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why is your signature on my underwear?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
