Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
