I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
