My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
