i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
