that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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