I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
