I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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