remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
