That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
