I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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