You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
