Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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