Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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