i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
