I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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