Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Enjoy the penises
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
