You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
