Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
