I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
