Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh god it's open bar.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
