I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
