evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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