Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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