The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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