nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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